


Dib says Frick.

by yIkIes



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Bologna, Canada, Crack Fic, Explicit Language, M/M, WaWa, ZaDr, baloney, dib says frick, frick, maple syrup, sighs, the entire reason this was made was so that dib could say frick, why isn't bologna a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-20 08:05:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9482111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yIkIes/pseuds/yIkIes
Summary: My friends and I decided to make a terrible fanfiction so now watch as I oblige and also see me strive to make Dib go on a roadtrip to Canada. For Maple Syrup. From Wawa. Save yourself from reading this and just assume the most garbage thing that popped into your head and then just convert that to writing form and amplify it by 10. That's pretty accurate for what this story is going to be anyway so if you DO want to put yourself into pain because your masochistic nature get's in the way of common sense, well.. Don't say I didn't warn you.





	

Golden light poured in from the windows, casting small shadows against the oddly colored entirety of the Membrane household. Silence reigned above all in the early dawn, though it was soon to end with the fiery sunshine casting a bladed militia of light from the stars, slicing any person’s sleepy eyes to awaken. Up a flight of stairs and adorned with several too many bolts and locks that would usually be considered, well, normal. Inside, a kid of around 15 or 16 lay slumbering, his puzzlingly scythed hair ill with a heavy case of bedhead. His glasses rested upon a nightside beside him, although he’d need them soon enough. 

This was because Dib had carelessly left the shutters open, so a particularly angry blaze was cast upon him. Even more unlucky was the fact the light had pinpointed it’s way right across his eyes, an undoubtedly uncomfortable way to be sleeping. In a moment, he was awake with an irritated groan, shifting to one side where the light could not do any harm to his borderline nocturnal sleep schedule. Even so, the damage had been inflicted, and Dib was now awakened. He gave another short unhappy grunt before he sat up. What was it? 7 AM? Not a good start to a Saturday.

“Guh.” He remarked smartly as he shifted to put his feet on the ground. Putting his glasses back on to allow enhanced bigfoot-spotting, he slipped off the cotton blankets. “Morning, Gaz,” Dib added as he made his way downstairs for a most-likely diabetically sugary breakfast. His remark wasn’t all that necessitated, regardless. The boy’s sister was probably only just beginning her rest, her bout of intensive gaming withstanding tiredness until the very morning. He peeked into her door just to confirm his assumptions. There she was, purple hair a bird’s nest and body sprawled out tiredly on the messy sheets. Comfy, Dib noted sarcastically, but let loose a soft grin. He cared about his sister, and this was one of the rare times he could smile in front of her without his gut being used as a punching bag.

Closing the door behind him, he wordlessly passed his Dad’s door, the world renowned scientist Professor Membrane. Who even knows what he’d be doing in there. Experimenting on beavers, or something, Dib thought silently to himself as he stepped down the steps. His Dad had recently been making efforts on becoming not as neglectful, but so far he was often still absent. Dib didn’t hate him, of course, but it’d be best not to bother him. Or ask what he was doing. Or tell him you’re going searching for that alien later today. 

Dib paused for a moment, just one second, in the entrance to the kitchen. The alien, he thought shortly to himself. He’d almost forgotten about him. 

Almost. 

..Not really.

From day one, Dib knew that Zim was destined to have a thorough autopsy with his name on it. In big, bold, flashy letters so nobody would miss them. Dib knew that if he caught Zim, everybody would know his name. It’d be in the news. No, better. This paranoid little nerd would go rightfully down into history books. That was day one, anyway. Dib progressed into something better. 

Day two inevitably arrived. Afterward, day three. Day four. Five. With every passing encounter Dib had with the invader, neither of them reached their goal. Zim hadn’t conquered the Earth, nor had he, well, died. They’d reached a stalemate then, and it had been that way ever since. Not that they ever lost hope. No, they continued fighting for their causes, devoting their lives to reach their achievements. Years passed.

Things might have changed somewhere down the line. It wasn’t sudden. Everything was still mostly the same, right? 

Dib still protected it. Zim still destroyed it. Tried to destroy it, anyway. It was the same.

Right? They still hated each other. That had to count for something.

Dib shook the thought away from his head. Now wasn’t the time for these brain-wracking psychological questions. Now was the time for cereal. Albeit, the available cereal choices were probably going to consist of more sugar than actual food. Oh well, what can you do? Opening a cabinet, he filtered through the options. Sugar Sarcoidosis, Candy Crasher, Glucose Greatness.. And wheat thins. Dib decided on the latter, to prevent attracting loss of life via a ludicrous amount of sugar intake. 

Taking his place on a chair as he began on the bowl of shockingly healthy cereal, the thoughts began to return. He sighed, pulling the spoon to his mouth and taking a bite. Better to just ignore it than try to shake it off. Killing the ideas just didn’t seem to work anymore. Or, really, had it ever? 

Just eat the cereal! You’ve got the entire day ahead of you to think about.. Um. UM. EUGH- whatever this is! He stuttered nervously in his mind, taking a frustrated second bite out of the breakfast. 

He could figure this out later. Just keep fighting. Wait a sec- was there anything to be figured out? There couldn’t be! Everything was the same, like he’d said! They still hated each other, they still fought, they were still in a stalemate.. Everything was fine. Yes. He sighed with relief, and began to eat more quickly. 

Dib didn’t know how much longer he’d fall for the lie.

Suddenly, the door creaked open. Dib tilted his head. Was there a breeze? It was sunny, and looked pretty hot out considering the summer season was in full blast. The door could just be broken, but that didn’t happen with the, while questionable, sturdy architecture of the building. He shrugged it off. Whatever the reason, it wasn’t that important. There were more riveting mysteries to attend to! Sliding off his seat, he finished off the cereal and discarded it into the sink.  
Then, he continued on to grab the door’s knob and close it again. Before Dib’s hand could reach the brass, however, there was a loud crash, a sharp pain in his head, and the recognizable sensation of your body collapsing to the ground. After that, everything faded to desolate black.

**Author's Note:**

> O' CANADA O' CANADA


End file.
